As anyone who has read even one of my articles, you have probably picked up by now that the thread to a lot of the articles is the relationship I had with my Mom, Margie and how her passing—the loss of my stability has completely changed my life. I look at the 3 years since she has passed as one long job interview or as a kid who has just graduated from college might also ponder: what am I going to do with the rest of my life? Are the lessons she taught me—much like going to school, going to be enough to see me through? When I should have been listening to her instead of daydreaming or staring out the window—much like going to school, going to deter me from making the best decisions for my life going forward? Did I learn through osmosis as sometimes the best of learning is done?
I didn’t become an “empty nester” the traditional way. When the decision was made to bring my Mom home so she could live her remaining days in the comfort of her family, the only logical decision (if there is such a thing in these times of life) was for my daughter, then 20, to move into my Mom’s place and my Mom would stay in her room. The one sole decision that was mine during this entire time was to bring my Mom home as she so badly wanted and not a thing or a person or any kind of logistics problem was going to stop me! One might argue that I wasn’t a true empty nester as I had my two sons at home still but the significance of your first child and your only daughter and the simultaneous loss of your Mother supersedes the practical definition and believe me empty doesn’t begin to cover how you feel.
Recently my daughter moved backed home for an interim stay until her new place was ready. She brought with her, her dog who became known as Grandpuppy, Jackson (and 2 rabbits, 2 birds & a fish but that is a topic for another story) but what she most profoundly brought home was a second chance for me to experience her leaving under “normal” circumstances. I never got to grieve her leaving the first time around because of the simultaneous shift of life at the time. I got a second chance and I took it!
For the 3 months my daughter was back home I cherished every second (almost 😉 ). For as the solemn lesson I learned was that every relationship has a timetable. Most people don’t get the second chance I did to have their first born leave the nest for the first time, again. I thought of my Mother and the first time we lived apart and how now there is not only logistical distance between us—there is the stars, the moon and the sky and the vast oceans of time. I brought my daughter home from the hospital to this very room, now empty. It had become both of my son’s rooms over the years but this very room was hers. I got a second chance to learn the lesson, thank you Mom for whatever hand you played, this has your hands all over it. ♥
Kimberly
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