Marriage Is Just Two Imperfect People Who Say I Do

I am not a certified therapist or marriage counselor by any claim. But I have had two marriages; one I ultimately lost but it lasted for several years and the second I have almost lost many times from not learning the lessons from the first.

When Jenny turned down his marriage proposal; Forrest Gump said: I’m not a smart man. But I know what love is. Love—what an interesting word. It has a literal definition but its subjectivity is where the actual meaning comes in. I, the author of this article, loves LOVE—my definition of it! I think it makes the world go round; picks you up when you are feeling down and just downright makes this life worth living. I love to give more than I receive, though the reciprocation is of the utmost palatable. I love to see it manifest in others. I love seeing the love parents have for their children & the utmost love—the love children have for their parents.

First comes love, then comes marriage…

Marriage; to marry, to bring together in holy matrimony. A contract between two people who decide to share a life together. I often find myself contemplating should humans with ever changing emotions and feelings towards one another even enter into such a contract? Or more inquisitively—why? I, personally; marry for love. But what happens if the feeling of love goes away—enter the contract.

The contract between two imperfect people. I have had many discussions about this with my best confidant in the whole world. What constitutes the deal breakers? After all, marriage is a deal. My personal dealbreakers vary but are simple in nature. I abhor violence, there is no negotiating, deal breaker. You can love me but if you don’t like me or spending time with me, please find someone you do. If you are not willing to negotiate the contract; please be upfront about it and be person enough to end the deal. One sided relationships are the worst! Giving someone false hope is akin to soul stealing. Give them the chance to go find the love they deserve. The upfront strike will hurt them but less than years of hope when there really is none. I have seen this time and time again…heartbreaking to watch, every time. I implore everyone to know their own dealbreakers or at the very least their points of negotiation.

I have had two marriages. I married young the first time, before I even knew who I was. I say that with zero regret. 17 years of being with another imperfect soul teaches you things about yourself, you never even knew existed. It teaches what your dealbreakers are for the next or for the union you choose to stay in. It also teaches you that no union or contract is infallible. It forces you to face the parts of yourselves that we give up or gets swept away within your union. We come into this world alone and ultimately that is how we go out. I believe we need to live our lives the same way, whether in a marriage or not. If we don’t know who we are as individuals how can we possibly know who we are in a union? How can we negotiate the contract?

As I stated, I have almost lost my second marriage many times from not learning the lessons from the first. Repeating the same mistakes because I failed to identify root cause. I was on autopilot in my own life. I gave up my responsibility of being my own imperfect being first for a we. It wasn’t until I took that responsibility back—what I bring to the bargaining table did then the tides turn. Nobody is responsible for anyone else’s happiness in this life. They can enhance it but the burden of responsibility for it cannot be theirs. I will never again make the mistake of not knowing what I will or will not accept in a contract. I will put in the work in my own life, to either enhance my own existence or my union’s. I will never again fail to negotiate the contract in any relationship I deem worth fighting for.

Lastly I will take to heart—Marriage is just two imperfect people who say I do and through it all whether the union prevails or we go it alone…

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Kimberly

Author; Blogger; Self-Proclaimed “Woman” of all trades and Self-Proclaimed “Master” of some! AFAA Certified Group Aerobics Instructor since 1998; MA Licensed Real Estate Agent since 1995; former Certified Financial Counselor and Passionate Advocator of Financial Education for Women. Tech Geek; Home Cook & Most Importantly, Mother of 3, my #1 Reason for Living!!!