On a recent visit to the ocean, I went for a long walk with my 21 year old son who is heading off for his last semester of college. At such a pivotal time in his life, we broached the subject of life and goals and setting the stage now for a life well lived with a mere one or two regrets, if any.
As parents, we want the best for our children, better than we could ever have for ourselves. With the gift of hindsight and the gift of the mistakes I have made along life’s journey—the most prophetic piece of advice I could offer to him is know your worth, it’s worth it to know.
As if in perfect Universe timing, a woman my son’s age who I have taken under my “wing” came to me lately with a dilemma. She said: a guy I am seeing doesn’t know if he wants to date me exclusively, what do you think I should do?” I replied immediately and without my normal processing factor said—remove yourself from the equation. I could tell by the look on her face, my answered surprised her. She started in on the “reasoning” with me; but I love him. Again, I cut right to it and asked: what do you love about him? I would have been satisfied if she had said: he is funny; smart; quick witted or any combination of the prior. I would have even settled for handsome. Instead, she said nothing after “but I love him”.
So again with no filter, admittedly, I answered the question for her—are you in love with the fact that he might want to see other women—are you in love with the fact he wants to keep you around just in case—are you in love with the fact he has you doubting yourself and questioning who you are—are you in love with the fact that while you are wasting your time on someone who doesn’t feel the same about you, there is someone out there that will gladly do so??? I stopped there at least verbally, in my mind the ball kept rolling.
As we sat in silence for a few minutes after that, clarity starting setting in. I wanted more for this young woman than I had ever wanted for the young woman I once was. I wanted to erase her mistakes before she made them to spare her inevitable heartache she would have to experience for herself. I wanted her to listen to my guidance as I should have listened to the guidance of many great women who offered such guidance to me. I wanted her as well as my son to know now what I wish I had known when I was their age—know your worth, it’s worth it to know.
Sometimes I still don’t know this at my age but I am learning…
What did she do you might be wondering…she removed herself from the equation.
Know your worth, it’s worth it to know!
Kimberly
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