Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda? – WOMAN MARKET READY

The Heavens Every time I hear the phrase “Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda” I think back to an episode of Sex and the City when the character, Carrie was commiserating with her friends (no need to name them, I know you know them) about a critical, life changing decision she had made some 16 years or so earlier. The dialogue for the scene ended with, I believe the Samantha character saying “ah coulda, woulda, shoulda.”

I believe we all go through life with that very same statement running through our minds yet producing no cardiovascular benefit, instead strife within our beings. I know as I write this it is almost therapy for me, a release as it is a phrase I know oh so well.

Here are 3 ways to quiet the chatter inside all of us and eradicate or at the very least shelve the coulda, woulda, shouldas when needed.

First of all realize, there really aren’t any coulda, woulda, shouldas only what is. There are certain lines in movies or TV shows that hit you sometimes like a ton of bricks. One such line for me was uttered by the Tyrese character and then the Bob character on The Walking Dead. The phrase was so moving and intense they wrote it for two characters. It went like this: It went the way it had to, the way it was always going to. I know that may sound trite but in essence such an undeniable statement. He (Bob) was saying it to combat another character who was goading yet another character (follow that thought, right) that if he had only done this instead of that, things might have turned out differently for him. And of course we always know in hindsight that simply isn’t true, if we took a left instead of taking a right we would still be in the exact same place—what is. It went the way it had to, the way it was always going to.
Combat each word with an actual. I coulda taken that job in Chicago—if I had I would have missed being by my Mother’s side all through her unexpected illness and death. I woulda made a terrific doctor—I AM a terrific…I shoulda waited until later in life to get married, sewn some oats—I would have had to wait that much longer to meet my first child or perhaps the unthinkable, never experienced the most unconditional Love known to man. Those are just a few examples of combat, I am sure with the utmost confidence we can insert our own experiences as individuals to combat the coulda, woulda, shouldas even more.
Reconcile your heart and your head or at least fill the gap. I have to personally say , the “gap” is the hardest for me. In one area of my life I continue to keep my heart and one foot in, of what could have been. I often wonder if I kept both feet on one side of the line if my life would be any simpler? This question each time I ponder always comes with the back of my head reminding me what is. My heart on the other hand…keeps that other foot on the other side of the line as an invisible divider of what is and what could have been. That’s all well and good, how do I fill in the gap, you ask? I repeat over and over again almost as prayer, a mantra, a lifeline and always with a clear head but heavy heart:

Coulda , Woulda, Shoulda—Didn’t—What is—

It went the way it had to, the way it was always going to.

I encourage you to leave a comment or a success experience you have had!! The Leave a Reply fields are optional, if you want to remain anonymous just fill in the comment section and hit post! Thank you for sharing your experiences and remember “no [wo]man is an island.”

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Kimberly

Author; Blogger; Self-Proclaimed “Woman” of all trades and Self-Proclaimed “Master” of some! AFAA Certified Group Aerobics Instructor since 1998; MA Licensed Real Estate Agent since 1995; former Certified Financial Counselor and Passionate Advocator of Financial Education for Women. Tech Geek; Home Cook & Most Importantly, Mother of 3, my #1 Reason for Living!!!