On a recent weekend away in my hometown for a college celebration; the prevalent subject amongst all the groups I spent time with was the past—chapters. For a very long time as I went through the chapters of my life, as I am a ride or die type of person, I thought all who had been before still had to be. To be— somewhere in the words on my pages; that future script had to include all in some sort of way. This journey back home has led me to another place in time in my future chapters. A place where all will not be coming with me as I am the author of my book and thus the pages of my life.
Chapters
You came into my life at a time for whatever reason, I needed you. One day sooner, one day later perhaps this chance encounter might not have been. Perhaps my mindset would have been different. I was moderate inside at the time, not happy-not sad; that mediocrity might have opened your door to mine that you would walk through. I often ask—why you? Maybe it was a feeling you brought me. Maybe it was the familiarity of your eyes. Maybe our souls had crossed paths in another time and place but was destined for this place and time. Whatever the reason, you would now become a chapter in my life, pages that would write themselves until I took the pen and realized it was time.
It is often said that the moment you become conscious of an autopilot behavior that it is now your responsibility to change it. Especially if it contradicts the way you want to consciously live your life. I call that, “taking the pen“. Taking the pen and writing a different ending to the chapter you may be stuck on. Autopilot is an easy ride. Autopilot tricks you into thinking, “let me take the wheel”. I know what is best for us. I admit it is comfortable but I emphatically know it is also very dangerous. Like driving down a windy road with no seatbelt on. Nothing may happen, something may happen but hey I am not driving. Tsk tsk tsk.
The aforementioned weekend I was having a conversation with a very dear, mentor of mine. They were asking me if I regret my decision to move my Family to the shore to follow my dreams. The immediate and conscious answer was: no. I said: nobody can die for you; you sure as heck should not let anyone live for you. I turned to face them to find tears in their eyes that made their way to their cheeks. This was not my intention of course but the listener had found the words, profound. Without realizing it I was encouraging a wonderful person to take the pen.
When I encourage others to take the pen it sometimes serves as an aid to myself to course correct my own life when I feel the need to activate autopilot. When you chase a feeling or a moment in time that makes you feel good, as I have, but does not align with your true direction in your life—your chapters; I encourage you to take the pen.
Take the pen and write a new ending, an authentic ending. Every chapter in your life; a very brief time in existence even if you get 100 years deserves that authenticity. The authenticity to know who deserves a page in your next chapters and whose time has come to an end with the stroke of a pen.
Feature Photo by Ryan Graybill on Unsplash
Kimberly
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